Moving on

I’m done with Project Friend List. I’m moving on to something more original, once I settle on a new idea.

I’ve visited a few friends that I haven’t had the chance to write about, and I doubt I’ll get around to writing about them, either. To them, I apologize.

Don’t get the wrong idea here. I’m not bummed out or defeated. But I know when to pull out the life raft and start paddling. ‘Rosa’ and Microsoft are expanding their ad campaign. You may have seen her or her friends on TV commercials or before the opening credits of some recent films. They’re now the ones who will be seen as the originators. I’ll be an imitator. And I have no interest in being labeled as such.

This Project would be a huge investment in time, effort and money. If I’m going to pour those resources into something, I need a vessel that won’t leak. With ‘Rosa’ doing her project, and everyone and their grandmother’s dog hopping on the Facebook bandwagon, I have to face the truth: I arrived too late. Now it’s time to discover something new and start over.

But like I said, that’s OK. I’ve got some other ideas in the hopper. Some are even slightly interesting. The next step is to keep my eyes and ears wide and my brain on high. It’s time to get a little more creative, and to brainstorm. Then it’ll be time to settle on something.

I’ll keep posting, and keep you posted as the story develops. 

Thai food, Tyson and missed ferries

Seattle’s Harbor Island is amazing. It's a major base for loading and unloading shipping crates that come through the city and it didn’t even exist until a century ago, when it was built by humans.
I was thinking about this and about the fact that the previous night had turned out far different than I planned, as I sat on the 6 a.m. ferry to Bremerton.
I gazed out with sore eyes at the island's gigantic cranes with ‘Port of Seattle’ written on them. I’ve always thought those cranes looked like dinosaurs – brontosauruses with their necks straight up in the air or leaned forward over the water.
I was on the first ferry out of Seattle that morning because I’d missed the last ferry the night before. Just five hours before, actually.
I’ve ridden the ferries thousands of times in my life and gotten used to the scenery. But it struck me on that morning how utterly beautiful my surroundings were. Maybe I was just feeling high from a lack of sleep.
Behind the dinosaur cranes Mount Rainier rose up, covered from head to foot in a white blanket. I turned my head and could see the Olympic Mountains, all purple, white and jagged in front of a pale blue backdrop. All around me was green and blue, with the reflected sun’s shimmering gold below. We pulled away from the dock as a giant ship with “Hyundai” printed on the side eased itself toward Harbor Island, guided by two tugboats.
My contact lenses were dry, as were my lips. I’d only slept about two hours and couldn’t wait to get home to my bed. But seeing that sunrise and thinking about the events that had led up to it made me glad I’d missed the ferry the night before. As I’d breathlessly called Alex at 1 a.m. and asked him if I could sleep on his couch I was thinking, “This kind of sucks.” But at the same time I thought, “This is turning into an interesting night.”

The evening had started with me running to catch a different ferry. I had parked in downtown Bremerton, in a lot that allowed me to store my car overnight until 7 a.m. I jogged to the terminal only to discover that the bulk of the passengers and cars were still in the process of loading, and that the boat was five minutes late.
In Seattle, I hopped on a bus that I assumed would drop me off close enough to the restaurant where we were celebrating Hannah, Kate and Cheryl’s birthdays. I was lucky that I guessed correctly on the bus and the stop. But when I got to the restaurant, 10 minutes late, I was the only one there. After a few minutes, people started showing up, just as surprised as I was that the place wasn’t packed yet.
I could hardly believe how many times the subject of Facebook came up during our meal. Everyone there – about a dozen people – had been notified about the party via Facebook. Hannah’s boyfriend, Sonny, had reserved a table that would hold about 25 people because that’s how many had responded to the online invitation with a ‘yes.’
Alex wasn’t surprised by the low turnout.
“I’ve found that when people reply ‘yes’ to a Facebook invite, you can expect about 50 percent of them to show up,” he said.
“What about when people say ‘maybe?’ was Joel’s question.
“Maybe is basically like no. There’s like a 5 to 10 percent chance people will come if they say maybe. If I say maybe, there’s less than about a 30 percent chance I’ll actually show up.”
Alex was spot-on. None of the maybes showed up, while right around half of the yeses did.
Facebook came up again and again throughout the night. When we took a group photo, I said, “Tag me in that one!” We talked about the usefulness of the site, the uselessness of it, why we bother with it, and a variety of other things that made it practically unnecessary for me to ask my own Five Questions.
At the end of the evening, I asked only three of the nine Facebook friends at the party for their definition of the word friend. Alex, Joel and his wife Heather each gave well thought-out answers.
“I think there has to be some element of wanting what’s best for the person,” Joel said after much deliberation. I was riding in the back seat of his car at the time, while Heather drove.
We were on our way to the ferry so I could catch the 12:50 a.m. boat. We had just made our way through some construction projects and traffic on I-5, and weren’t sure if we would get there on time. As we pulled up to the intersection of Alaskan Way and Yesler at precisely 12:50, I jumped out and ran to the terminal. I could see a boat sitting at the dock. But when I reached the ticket booth, I learned that it was the boat to Bainbridge. Mine had left a couple minute earlier. Joel and Heather had just moved back to the States from Scotland and didn’t have a cell phone. So I had to call Alex, still up in North Seattle.
And that’s when I met Grant.
Grant was a college student from Port Orchard who had just been to a rap show at The Showbox, next to Pike Place Market. He left the concert early to catch the ferry, and was pretty disappointed that he’d missed the boat. He was still a little stoned and asked if he could crash with me and my friends if he couldn’t find anything else. I thought, ‘Ummm…’ and said, ‘Sure.’
When I called Alex, I didn’t mention Grant. I had hesitated slightly when Grant asked to crash on my friend’s couch and I figured Alex would be less than comfortable with the idea. So I figured I’d just walk out to the car with Grant when Alex showed up and say, ‘Hey, this guy needs a place to stay, so he’s coming with us. Thanks for understanding!’
Fortunately I didn’t have to do that. Grant remembered that his dad was in Seattle, so he texted him and secured a ride home.
“Alright,” I told Grant. “When you meet up with your dad, just remember to be cool.”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine, man,” he said.
My initial bummed-out feeling of missing the ferry turned gradually into a feeling of enjoyment and adventure because I chose to look at it that way. I’d met a new acquaintance (We weren’t going to be Facebook friends or anything, but he was interesting to talk to for a while. His dad was a camera operator and had worked on the sets of some TV shows and movies, and Grant had helped out, so it was cool to hear about that.), I had a story to tell, and Alex, Sonny, Hannah and I got to go back to Kate and Nate’s house to hang out and watch funny and freaky YouTube videos like this one of Mike Tyson, before I headed to Alex’s couch.

By the time I got to my own bed, at about 9 a.m., I was exhausted. But I’d had fun and the Seattle sunrise was beautiful.

A celebrity run-in in Bellevue

A couple of weeks ago, I had a rare case of starstruck-itis.

My buddy Aaron’s wife, Lacey, had used Facebook to invite a bunch of friends to a trampoline gym in Bellevue. I mean no offense by this, but I wasn’t so sure I wanted to go at first. I figured we would be the oldest people there without kids, and I was right.

But I’ve known Aaron since we were in elementary school, and I’ve considered him a friend since we worked together at a retirement home in high school.

In the end, I was glad I went. The trampolines turned out to be a lot more fun than I’d expected, and we ran into one of the most famous people in the world as we were leaving. As we stood at our locker, putting our shoes on and dabbing the sweat from our foreheads, I noticed a man with a bad haircut walk past our group. He wore glasses and a crisp, white polo, and had his hands in the pockets of his khakis. He casually strolled by with his wife, Melinda. It was Bill Gates.

It’s not often that I encounter someone who makes me feel starstruck. I’ve been mere feet from John McCain and Tom Morello. I’ve interviewed NFL players and professional supercross riders (OK, one of each). I didn’t think much of those situations, mostly because they were planned events and there are lots of politicians, pro athletes and musicians in the world (though none quite like Tom Morello, I must admit. That was pretty cool.) But this was Bill Gates. One of the wealthiest people in the world and the man who is basically responsible for the way the world has done business and evolved communication-wise over the past 30 years. He’s kind of a big deal.

I stood with my mouth agape and tapped my buddy Jon on the arm. “Dude. It’s Bill Gates!” I whispered excitedly. The rest of our group turned around to look. I pointed out the white polo and glasses. Mr. Gates was apparently renting out the entire gym for some type of party for his kids and their friends. He went to sit down and I approached to get a better look. I asked one of the staff members if he would try to get an autograph. He just smiled a flabbergasted smile and shrugged. “Ha. I dunno.” I told him I would give him $5 if he walked up to the man and said, “Hey! I’m a PC!” He just chuckled. In the end, I don’t think he ever went through with it. Maybe he was a Mac.

After our brush with celebrity, me, Aaron, Lacey, Jon, Aaron’s buddies Seth and Tom, and Tom’s girlfriend, Susan, went out for dinner and then headed back to Jon’s place in Tacoma. Jon’s wife, Sondra, had just gotten off work and welcomed us with snacks and an eager golden retriever. After we finished a board game and were getting ready to move on to another, I made my move.

“Have I told you guys about my new writing project?” I asked.

I laid out the questions and got some interesting responses. Tom had a pretty narrow definition of what a friend is.

“They’re people who like me because I’m cool,” he joked.

“Actually, a friend is someone you’re willing to sacrifice something for, be it time, something physical, or anything else,” he said. 

I liked Aaron’s response: “Friends are people who ask me questions about how I define the word friend.”

When I asked Lacey why we need friends she said we’re conditioned that way, but we also have an innate desire for companionship.

“We don’t know how to be alone. We grow up in community,” she said. “If you’re alone all the time, you go crazy. You have to fight with your own mind, and people can’t handle that.”

“You need other people to fight with,” Jon chimed in.

“That’s why we marry them,” said Aaron. 

As far as what Facebook accomplishes, Seth agreed with the rest of our group, that its primary function is to coordinate events and allow people to check in with others from time to time. And when one of those online “friendships” goes awry and it’s time to delete the person from your account, it’s best to refrain from real-life contact too. Or, as Sondra put it, “If I saw them at Target, I’d probably avoid them.” 

Side note: This may be one of my last posts related to The Project. I'm going to brainstorm some ideas and figure out a new project.

Talkin' 'bout movies and mooches

Yesterday I went to Seattle with my buddies Chris and Luke to see a movie about a street artist who tried to make a movie about the street artist Banksy and ended up having a movie made about him, directed by Banksy. I know that’s confusing, but trust me, the movie does a great job of telling the story and kept everyone in the theater quite interested the entire time.
Chris and I live in Bremerton, but Luke lives in Seattle, so after the movie Luke went on his way and Chris and I headed for the ferry.
On the ride home, I decided to talk to Chris about my concerns surrounding The Project. We sat in his car on the ferry, me finishing my McChicken sandwich, and him with his feet up on the dash. I wasn’t sure if I should put my feet up. Sometimes people have funny rules about that sort of thing.
“So here’s what we’re gonna do,” I said. “We need to find the next big, underground cultural movement and get in on the ground floor. We’re too late for this whole street art thing. We need to find something that’s gonna become really popular in about five years and get in on it now so when it blows up we can say, ‘I knew about that before. I’m cool.’”
“OK,” said Chris, “but if it’s anything with fashion, it’s probably not gonna work. I don’t know anything about fashion.”
“No, it won’t be anything to do with fashion,” I said. “Do I look like I know anything about fashion?” And I pointed to my boring t-shirt and jeans.
“It’s just … after seeing that movie, it made me think about whether I want to keep doing this project or start looking for some new ideas,” I went on. “I kind of feel like the whole Facebook and social networking thing is getting played out. I wanna find the ‘next big thing.’ I mean, I won’t be able to finish this project until next spring. And by that time, will people still even care about Facebook? Facebook has been around for a while, and it seems like everybody’s talking about it right now. I feel like I’m tardy to the party.”
“Maybe Facebook will be played out by the time you finish this,” Chris said. “Maybe it’ll hit a lull because everybody will be so used to it and not think about it so much anymore. But maybe you’ll give it new life. You’re coming at it from a different angle, talking to people about what friendship really means and how these sites like Facebook play into that. Maybe that’ll give some new perspective to those types of sites and the idea of friendship. And your experiences will be unique. Who knows? There might be someone else out there doing the same thing you’re doing, and trying to decide if they should keep going. But their project won’t be exactly the same as yours.”
I was starting to feel glad that I’d brought up the topic of The Project.
“You know what?” I said. “That’s a good attitude to have. I like that. So the first question is …”

Chris’s answers were very well thought out and succinct. As I told him, I wish I had been taking notes. But my paraphrasing once again will have to do.
“For me, Facebook is just an extension of my real-life relationships with people,” he said. “I have to have some connection to the person in real life before I become friends with them on Facebook.”
He went on to say that a friend is someone with whom you share some sort of mutually beneficial relationship. There has to be give and take, not just one or the other. And that’s what you gain from a friendship. People have things they need to receive from others, but they also feel a need to give. Each is gratifying in some way. Constantly taking makes you feel empty, while constantly giving makes you feel exhausted.
“If one person is just mooching off the other, they’re not a true friend. Each person has to gain something from the friendship.”
“But that’s friendship,” I said. I went back to Randy’s idea that ‘a friend is someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with.’
“To the mooch, the person he’s mooching off of is his friend, because he’s getting something from that person, and he enjoys spending time with that person” I said. “But the person being mooched off of doesn’t consider the mooch his friend. He doesn’t enjoy the time they spend together.”
Chris conceded that I had a point.
“That’s my favorite question,” I said after we’d hammered out the definition of a friend. “Everybody has such different answers, but they’re all so good.”
“See? That’s the cool thing about all this,” he said. “Everybody’s answers are going to be different. You’re getting a unique perspective from every person.”
The feelings of disenchantment I’d had with the Project started to fall by the wayside as we talked. They still creep up now and then, but I’ll trudge on. It made me wish I'd discussed the Project with all nine of the friends I'd been with the night before. But I'd only asked three of them their definition of the word 'friend.' Dammit.

One final comment about that night is a suggestion Chris made. He noted that Facebook is useful as a communication tool in that it helps him stay visually connected with people in his life who may be far away.
“I can learn more about my acquaintances and friends by looking at their pictures on Facebook. So it’s just another way of communicating with people. It’s another level of communication.”
He went on to say that it would be cool to have a visual representation of each visit with each friend for my Project. I didn’t have a camera at the time, so I couldn’t oblige just then. But I liked the suggestion. And I happened to have had a camera when I visited Aaron, Lacey, Sondra, Tom and Seth, the people I’ll write about next. (Oh, and we ran into Bill Gates during that visit.)

Should I stop or should I go?

There are a couple of things bothering me about this whole Project, and I need to vent about them.

As the banner at the top of the page says, someone else is doing the same thing as me, but to sell a phone. The good news is, the phone is getting mediocre reviews from the likes of PCWorld.com and I still don’t believe its makers will continue their ad campaign long enough for ‘Rosa’ to visit every single one of her social networking friends.

The bad news: the phone has more than 152,000 fans on Facebook as of today and it’s made by Microsoft. That means ‘Rosa’s’ journey is getting a lot of attention and the makers of the phone have enough money to do whatever they want with the ad campaign, including dragging it on forever and promoting the hell out of it.

I was really hoping to be the first to do a project like this. I still might be the first to actually complete it, but the fact that so many people already know about someone else doing their own version of it really bugs me. I realize my experiences will still be original, but the concept no longer is. And how can I compete with Microsoft?

Like I said before, I’ll continue for now. After all, the only publicity ‘Rosa’ has gotten has been on Facebook, Xbox and this page. It’s not like she’s in video stores or on billboards or TV ads (knock wood).

There’s one other thing. I’m reading a book right now where someone does a similar project. Actually, it’s quite a bit different from mine. But he does mention Facebook a few times, and that makes me wonder if I got into writing about social media too late. The book is by my newest favorite author, Danny Wallace. One of my friends introduced me to him last summer and I’ve been hooked ever since. I even joined a cult – er … collective – that he started, and sent him a passport-sized photo with a note attached. (I got a postcard back last week, but all of that is another story for another day.)

Wallace’s book is called “Friends Like These: My Worldwide Quest to Find My Best Childhood Friends, Knock On Their Doors and Ask Them to Come Out and Play.” It’s mostly a story about turning 30 and looking back on his childhood, but it has a strong aspect of reconnecting with people and ditching impersonal, modern modes of communication in favor of face-to-face interaction. Which is very similar to what I’m doing.

Now, it was Danny Wallace who inspired me to find my own stupid boy project, yes. But I didn’t even know about “Friends Like These” until seven months after I’d come up with my Project idea. I was inspired to do a “social science experiment,” as I call it, after reading his book “Yes Man,” and later “Join Me” (that’s the one about the cult – er … collective). But those books had nothing to do with Facebook or reconnecting with friends or modern communication methods, etc. They were just goofy projects that inspired me to create an original project of my own.

But now, after finding out about Danny’s new book (it was published in the UK in 2008, but didn’t come out in the States until September 2009, and I found out about it in March 2010) and ‘Rosa’s’ journey, my idea no longer seems original. It’s lost its luster, in my mind. And what scares me even more is that my Project has most likely lost its luster in the minds of anyone who would’ve been interested in reading about it.

But I may still be the first to complete such an endeavor, and my story will be unique. So that’s what I’m holding onto right now. If anyone is actually reading and has some advice, I’d sure appreciate it.